Trial

Himalaya Trial, India to Netherlands.

I snapped this photo almost a year ago when I was in Yazd, Iran. I never expected to see a convoy of classic cars in Iran. These cars had just completed half of a grueling journey that took them over some of the most unforgiving terrains in the world. I can't believe it is almost a year since I packed my bags for Iran. Time really flies and that seems to be the recurring theme of this blog which is slightly worrying. It seems like so much time is slipping through my hands without me even knowing it. Yet ironically, this week seems to be agonizingly slow and I can't believe it is only midweek. Yes, I can't believe it when time flies and I can't believe it either when time crawls. The grass is always greener on the other side. Enough griping. I'll leave you with an excerpt that echos my views on why I thoroughly enjoy driving my 'new' car which is only just a bit younger than me.

'A hoary old thesis, I know, that old cars are more tactile and aural. But old cars are also what I would call trusting. The driver is in charge and is trusted to do the right thing. If he or she makes a hash of things, then on his or her head be it. I don't mind the modern car being more cosseting and comforting, but the distrust they display I find increasingly offensive'
~ Rowan Atkinson, Octane Classic & Performance Cars

Vecchio

As I walked out one evening

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
Love has no ending.

I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

The Years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world.

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
Tomorrow or today.

~W.H. Auden, As I Walked Out One Evening

Doubling

Doubling Dublin. Table for two?

All our sensations, emotions and cognitive processes can be loosely lumped into two categories. Our body of language acknowledges this by providing us with two distinct words, thoughts and feelings. Of late I find myself straddling the divide between thoughts and feelings, not being able to decipher whether my actions or words are the result of thoughts or feelings. And so I wonder if there is a word that is able to bridge this divide, a table for two where both can sit down to enjoy a nice slice of carrot cake. Off the cuff, the most fitting word that I have in my linguistic warehouse would be 'Confused'. For a person who prides himself on being rational, this state of 'confusion' is distressing. And what is more distressing is the discovery that this process has made; that at my core, I believe in feelings before thoughts, conscience over cognition. Alas, the beast has a soul. I am beginning to think (I suppose thinkfeel should be the more appropriate word at this stage, until the catharsis is complete or the process reversed) that years of education and an emphasis on thinking has made us worse off. I blame the industrial revolution for perpetuating this process (although this phenomena has earlier roots), for imbuing in our education system, the paramount need for utility. The Utility of being saved. And one can only arrive at utility through a reasoned process; through a rigorous study of literal words, instructions and an adherence to principles as truths. What exactly is the truth? Is the truth in the words that form our instructions, our texts, our scripts, our bibles of modernity? Or is the truth in the feeling that tells us the right from the wrong, that tells us this is moral and that is immoral? At this point, I must confess my confusion and admit that I don't know (thinkfeel).

'The religious Reformation trained men to subordinate their lives to more remote ends. Instead of surrendering to the moment, they were taught to learn objective reasoning, consistency and pragmatic behavior.'
~The End of Reason, Max Horkheimer

Sky

抬头望着天
只剩下感情陪我谈了一天

Alfa

Only midweek.

I want one. In Red.

Bittersweet

Black Coffee, Dark Chocolate.

At a cafe in Amarante.
I like dark chocolates. They are a reminder that life is full of bittersweet moments and that if you persevere, the sweet can trump the bitter. But as if we need such reminders.

Lead

Perforations.

Birthdays are a bit like New Year's celebrations less the resolutions. I've never been a fan of such celebrations but I guess they are good occasions to meet up with friends. This year, I was deeply disturbed by the fact that I couldn't recall the last time I developed a roll of film, let alone the contents of that illusive last roll. It really bugged me to no end and it didn't help that this nagging question arose whilst I was having my morning shower. So as you can imagine, I spent the whole day with this burning question on my mind and at the same time trying to deal with all sorts of curve balls and obstacles that a normal working day throws at me. At the end of a very long day and back in the same loo where it all began, the answer came to me whilst I was making a deposit and filling up the paper work. I guess things have a knack of coming full circle, especially when you least expect it. Now this is an event worth celebrating. I felt a tinge of sadness at recalling how long it had been since my last roll of film was shot and developed but looking through the photos in my head made me smile. Throughout the day, I had been digging through the archives of my poorly sorted and dimly lit mind, stumbling over albums that have been left lying around and pulling out trash that should have been junked a long time ago. Although this digging process didn't directly lead to the answer, I am pretty sure that it did contribute to my epiphany on the throne. Either that or it was the steamboat dinner. And I guess that is what anniversaries, birthdays, new year celebrations are about; milestones for us or for me to take stock of what has happened in the past year. What a year it has been.

Dinner

The table is set, now all that is needed are guests.

Alone is not loneliness. I always thought that this was a phrase by Edward Hopper. But now I can't seem to say for certain if that phrase did indeed originate from him. I guess I always thought so because it was the message I got from his paintings or maybe it is buried in his 500 page biography which I read too long ago and remember too little of. Any how, I don't really think the source matters. One does not always need reasons and sometimes a feeling means so much more. Alone is not loneliness, is that acceptance, consolation or elation?

Tomar

An empty square,
and a silence that
speaks volumes.
A reminder, of a place,
that seems out of place.

Intelligent

Behind the curtain

The day was spent devouring the long awaited autumn edition of Intelligent Life which finally arrived. Has it really been three months since the last edition? The autumn edition featured a photo-essay on ballet in the Ukraine. The beautiful photos were taken by Simon Crofts, an Oxford law graduate who appears to have found photography more appealing than the legal practice. Who can blame him. I love how this photo instantly reminded me of one of Degas' ballerinas. Interestingly enough, Degas was also a law student at the University of Paris before being admitted to the Ecole des Beaux-Arts. Anyway, I think the title of the magazine is really fitting. Intelligence is more than just IQ, it is about, "Life Culture Style".

Morning

There are no such things as facts, only interpretations.
~Nietzsche

The morning mist fogs
up my window like a dream
the real now surreal.

Dogged

Face to Face

Lake

Turquoise Crater.

I remember this lake, in a land that was neither east nor west. I remember walking down a rocky path to its shores, musing to myself how time really changes everything; what was once fiery is now tranquil. The blue of the lake reminded me of the same blue I had just seen a couple of days ago by the sea. How can things so far apart seem so close to each other. Maybe its all relative. There was a breeze blowing and I watched as the clouds floated towards the horizon. Where did they go. I remember that it was a cool early summer day. Summer is almost at an end now. I remember all this, do you?

Face

Two eyes, a nose, wispy hair.

I like seeing things.
I look and I see.
Then I imagine.
Always surprised by what I find.

Yellow

突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛