雨天

想起昨晚的雨
最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐

Cairo

The scent of jasmine lingers in the air.

The "jasmine revolution" which ousted Ben-Ali in Tunisia has sparked off similar protests across the Maghreb with the most severe protests and riots taking place in Egypt. Looking at the general standard of living in Egypt, it comes as no surprise that the Egyptian leadership finds itself in a precarious position. The revolution in Tunisia and the protest in Egypt seem secular thus far, but the western world waits with abated breath as to whether these countries might move towards the extreme spectrum of Islamism harbouring a lingering temptation to meddle so as to dictate the outcome. This temptation should be curbed. Radical Islam is not as popular as we would think in the Maghreb. Besides, the people of the Maghreb should have the opportunity to exercise their democratic right by voting in a government of their choice. Even if it means an Islamist government being voted in. That is a function of democracy; freedom to choose. It is interesting times in the Maghreb and to quote the Economist, "Tunisia's upheaval has only just begun. No one knows where it will lead. It has already opened an Arab Pandora's box. Frightening things may yet leap out. But it nonetheless deserves an enthusiastic welcome."

Wait

Tear streaked, window pain.

Framed. The forming of a perspective. Perspective. An outlook on a situation or condition. Condition. A state of nothingness or being. Being. A form of existence. Existence. The experience of pain or joy. Joy. The result of a long wait?

Past

Finding it easier to borrow, from the past. Bankrupt.

'If only I had a chance to learn from my mistakes, I would but there are too many things you don't do twice; in fact, the most important things are things you don't do twice, so you can't do them better the second time. You do something wrong, and see what the right thing would have been, and are ready to do it, should you have the chance again, but the next experience is quite different, and your judgment is wrong again, and though you are now prepared for this experience should it repeat itself, you are not prepared for the next experience.'
~Lydia Davis, A second chance

Hygge

Homesick

when the past sometimes takes you with soft hands
forcelessly pulls you to your chair
hides you away from these half days
sunless at the end of the year
the air is like a knife cutting through you
a room in the house is always warm
stretched out on the bathroom floor thinking
of fair days your future may hold

Dislocated

Out of place.

I know that we are the sum of our experiences. Yet there are times when I wish that I could disown aspects of my past; aspects that seem to plague my present and prevent a future. I have always believed in predisposition but not predestination; implicit in that is the notion of free will. But of late, it seems like I am no more than the clothes I wear, the cars I drive and the past that I have.

Dome

Semiology of feelings.

Two nights ago I had a dream about the middle east and oddly about dome architecture. I can't really recall much more of the dream now. But I can tell you that I would like very much to have the same dream again tonight, and tomorrow night and the night after. It is not always about the details but the feeling. As Charles Sanders Peirce says, it is the 'firstness' of it all.

Chez

Long Lines, Late Light; Re-reading classics.

"And every time he shuts his eyes he sees himself as a very fine fellow - so fine as he can never be... In a dream..."
~Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim

Geometry

Horizontals, verticals; but to what degree?

Between the absolute binary of life and death, it would appear that life is made up of rules; thus a wrong and right to everything. How does one find the right answer for every equation? We know that there are rules but following the rules sometimes can feel like the wrong answer. Or are we just rationalizing a wrong.

Cook

Soup on the Stove; Men at work.

"It's like this, son. Men, we have to be something. You know, identity. Like a teacher, doctor, lawyer, engineer," he tried to think of something the boy could relate to. "Or pilot"

"And the girls?"

"The women. They're different. They can be something, almost anything you can be, but deep down, they know they will all come back to the same thing - wife and mother. So women, they do not look to be, because that is given them. No. Not to be, but to have. Women want to have and men, we cannot always give."

"I Understand."
"Do You?"
"Yep."
"Good. Bear that in mind. Less you expect, less you hurt."

~ Colin Cheong, The Stolen Child.

Wings

Kept in the dark.

As an ardent supporter of local literature, the highlight of the weekend was finding the time to finish Colin Cheong's The Stolen Child. I always manage to make a connection with his books and there is something in his writing that draws out that bit of my past that I sometimes find embarrassing or which I had buried deep down in my subconscious, be it a crush or an insecurity.

"The night was inviting. Wings had been afraid of the dark when he was younger, but now, the night was his friend and he welcomed it. He savored the solitude it brought, when he could walk abroad in his imagination. The darkness was another world when the light left and when reality was left unlit, things that hurt could not be seen. It did not matter if they were there. They could be forgotten for a time. When had he discovered that? The night like a dark movie theater, a blackened silver screen for him to run the home movies he made in his head on. That special hour or so before sleep came, the grey zone between waking reality and the dream time he had no control of. He waited for those hours of the half-light, when daylight, neon-light met the night and died in her arms. Those dying moments where what he lived for."

Security

Homs, Palmyra, Baghdad; On the road again.

Its hard not to run when the road is a good friend. Whenever I travel to these places with strange names, I am always warmly welcomed. People there know nothing of me but they seemingly accept my religion, my believes, my past and my very person that is standing before them as they offer me bread, drink and shelter. The need for affirmation and acceptance has been hardwired into the human species. And it manifests itself in our need to stay in touch with other fellow humans through our technology, language and culture. We all crave acceptance of some form. And it is this craving that makes me wonder if the road is the only place I will be accepted. Does acceptance necessitate a change of my past and a change in my believes? Is a mistake made in the past an anomaly or a trend that will perpetuate? Can you believe that I am more complex, more dynamic than what my past allows me to be? Perhaps not. The road is unforgiving insofar as it does not give second chances. But it sure does a very good job at giving a first chance.

Reflections

An end to the parties; A Reflection.

And so a new year has begun. Instead of trying to formulate some lofty resolutions, I am here sitting in my chair wondering where and when I picked up the habit of starting a sentence with "And so...". Perhaps that can be my first resolution, to discover where and when I picked up grammatical quirks. But that would be too retrospective a resolution, i.e. one that dwells in the past for too long. I have never been a big fan of New Year Eve celebrations simply because less the hype, it is like any other eve of a public holiday. There is no religious, cultural or emotional significance attached to it. Nevertheless, I think there is some intrinsic value in New Year's being a sort of a milestone for taking stock of the past year. Which brings me on to the bit where I start to reflect on the past year, so here goes. The past year has been a crazy year and sometimes I wonder how I made it. It has been a year of heartbreak, betrayal, disappointment. Empty words were spoken and promises broken. At some point, I couldn't help but doubt myself and the people I had let into my life. Yet 2010 was also a year where a dream was brought to life and given a fighting chance (what more can we ask of dreams), where I was given new responsibilities, where new bonds were forged and more importantly it was the year where possibilities which may carry on into the new year and the years to come first appeared. I know I tend to indulge myself in the possibilities a tad too much but this time round it feels, different. So that is my 2010 summed up in a nutshell, just the way it should be. I am looking forward to what 2011 has to bring and somehow it is already starting off on a very good note. Happy New Year folks!