Blue Skies

Where are my blue skies?
The past few days have been really trying and tiring. Even though my pupillage ordeal ended on the 2nd day, I didn't really get to celebrate till the weekend and by then it was already a hollow celebration; largely drained and whatever left poisoned. Can anyone really be guilty of stealing a joyful moment? What would the compensation be then? I don't think anyone can really be guilty of such a crime. One only loses a moment if one chooses to surrender it. Most of the time we believe that surrendering such moments are worth it but hindsight usually proves us wrong.
The weekend was spent putting together the cool Ferrari Lego that my parents and Matt gave me as a cheer-up cum congratulations present for securing some form of income in the near future; alas, they are now one step closer to kicking me out of the household. Lego might sound kiddy but this really cool Ferrari Enzo even allows you to build the V12 engine block together with its crankshaft and it "fires" alternate cylinders when the wheels are turned.
The weekend was also spent thinking about relationships and what that R word entails. I really didn't distill any great truth or solved any mystery. In fact, I think my time would have been better spent doing something productive like digging my nose or cleaning my ears. I simply concluded that sometimes being a puke bag for someone that you love isn't enough. I also realised that apart from allowing the user to puke into you, you also need to be labelled the "evil one" and the sole reason why the user is puking. Comforting words, behind the scene efforts, flowers and good intentions are always inadequate. Which after this weekend's brooding doesn't come as a surprise. Silly me. How can they ever make up for a wrong that you didn't even commit? It is strange how 4 letter words seem to be interchangable; Love, Fear, Home, Fuck, Life, Shit.
I have been home for just one month come tomorrow and I have made every effort to please the ones who are near and dear. My family has been so understanding, up to the point where I feel bad. It is hard to juggle everything and I suppose I could do with some support. What use is the support if it is only there when I'm on my act. I thought love was a two way thing and I guess I thought wrong. Now now now, I don't want to get on the slippery slope that social accounting leads to. We all know that we love unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. But does that mean forgoing appreciation and the slightest show of gratitutde. Maybe I've lost the meaning of the word "Love".Or maybe it simply is just another 4 letter word.
Now, where did I put my blue skies?