Ginseng Sunset

The sun going down on me.
The dismantling of my room has finally begun and if the weather holds up, I only have 15 sunsets left from my window. The weather has been on its best behaviour the last couple of days, perhaps in a bid to sabotage the packing process. I have been constantly hampered by the desire to spend as much time as possible outdoors instead of indoors where bags and boxes need to be filled. With the need to pack, the walks have grown longer, the soccer games are more frequent, the beach has become nearer and there seem to be BBQs every evening.
Indeed, the past few days have been filled with procrastination and a good serving of sorrow. This sorrow reached a new high or low (depending on what kinda person you are) when I brought down my big suitcase from the top of the cupboard, where it has been lying in wait for the past 9 months. That was the equivalent of lighting the fuse on an explosive charge. There is no turning back. I dusted it off and with a heavy heart opened it up and in one of the compartments I found the 2 big packets of Ginseng that mom had packed for me. Yes, the Ginseng that I have been "consuming weekly" as per the monthly phonecalls home. That has been the only light moment thus far; where I actually laughed out loud. Now, I have to either finish up the 2 packets of Ginseng within 15 days or bring them home and explain to mommy dearest why they are still intact. Choices Choices Choices.
But that is not the purpose of this post. Of course there is a greater message apart from Ginseng and Sunsets. This is not some snowy blog. This is serious stuff. The greater message is that this whole series of events has taught me the lesson of self reliance. That through this low period the best that one can do is to do the job at hand, and do it well. There is no point crying out for attention, for help, for comfort. There is no point doing social accounting to see if you are indeed suffering from a reliance deficit. Attention given does not equate to potential attention waiting to be returned. You may have been there for others but it doesn't mean that they will or have to be there for you when you need it. And that doesn't mean that they don't care. It just means that you have to do the bloody deed yourself. Besides, what is the point of calling out for attention when your situation was not noticed in the first place. The reasoning behind the attention you receive then will only be guilt or pity.
So, I dare say that I have learnt my lesson and that I've learnt it well.
Tomorrow the sun will rise and hopefully more of my stuff will either be in a box or in my bag.