Moon

Look. The moon.

A stairway to the stars on a night with none in sight. I have always been enthralled by stars; alluring but always beyond my reach. Of late I have been re-reading my poetry books, largely inspired by Anne Fadiman and her work on re-reading, and have discovered new meanings in words that I once thought were puzzling or conclusive.

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

~W.H. Auden.

'If equal affection cannot be, Let the more loving one be me' is something I never really expected Auden to say, especially for someone who was very familiar with the pains of unrequited love. That was my first impression when I read this poem many moons ago. Reading it again, it dawned upon me that maybe it is the pain of unrequited love that makes him pen that very line. After all, I would not want the pain of unrequited love afflicted on someone that I care for. Especially not when I find that pain unbearable. I like how the anguish in this line contrasts the indifference in the language used to describe the stars. We know stars are so far removed that they are incapable of expressing any kind of emotion towards us, in spite of our constant adoration. Let us not forget that stars are especially beautiful because they are distanced from us. Most of us want to love and be loved in return. I don't think that wanting to be loved in return stems from a quid pro quo mentality. Rather, I think it stems from a very strong desire to avoid the pain associated with unrequited love or not being loved in return. Cast in such a light, it appears to be more akin to self-preservation than selfishness. And this must be true because love always involves a certain selflessness; a willingness to sacrifice, to feel vulnerable or to place oneself on the line. Absent this and we can nary say 'Let the more loving one be me'.